I’ve recently come to the conclusion that life is a seriously funky and slightly crazy thing. Or, you know, really crazy thing. I don’t know…
Maybe I really haven’t come up with any kind of conclusion and I’m just saying that to please myself.
Then again, isn’t that would growing up is all about?
Look, I’ll be honest with you here; I’m only twenty-five—which means that I haven’t had too much life experience unfortunately. I mean, I like to think I’ve got a some experience, but it’s not really enough to go about spouting out advice, right? But lets be real—I still wish there was someone in my life who would give me some advice as I grew up. My childhood was the weirdest version of hell on Earth for me to experience, though if I think about it, I wouldn’t actually want to.
Today wasn’t a good day for me mentally. It just wasn’t. The Monday before ECCC I took a pretty bad fall and didn’t realize just how bad it was at the moment. In fact, I spent that weekend wearing pretty high heels and walking around a lot. I thought it was a small fall that wouldn’t actually manifest so badly.
Unfortunately, it did.
I’m now in a brace and having to deal with not taking painkillers. It’s not my best choice, but I also don’t want to take them as much as I was taking them for all these other aches and pains I was having previously. But really, that’s a story for another time.
I spent today on the brink of having a breakdown and just crying. A part of me knows I should have just done it, but another part of me knows I didn’t have the time for it. I was at work, trying to focus and get my shit done. Having an emotional breakdown just wasn’t the right thing. But driving home was a whole different case.
I let myself go numb for a bit.
It’s something I do—something I’ve been working on not doing so much anymore. Honestly, it’s not easy—sometimes going numb really, really helps keep me from falling over that precarious edge of been teetering on for almost ten years now. I’ve had a few near misses, but I’ve come back from that edge. I’m still here, right? That’s the most important part, in my opinion. You’re free to disagree (a few have, haha).
Anyways, I’ve been listening to this playlist on Spotify called ‘Lush + Atmospheric’, and a song came up that I’ve had on repeat since. It’s call ‘Caves’ by Haux—not only does it make me want to learn how to dance, but it’s given me the motivation to actually get on and write this.
I know I don’t have a big following and that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m still learning. I’m new to this. And to be quite frank, I’d be lying if I said I started this blog to get attention.
I created this blog as an outlet for myself—a place for me to put my thoughts down and just talk at people. If these thoughts end up helping people, then I’m happy—I’ve done part of my job. If they don’t… Well, I’ve gotten myself a little diary here to keep sane.
This series is a way for me to teach myself whilst reaching out to the few people who actually read this blog. Growing up isn’t easy—I’m pretty sure I haven’t grown up at all at this point. It’s grueling and it takes a lot from us—more than we’re willing to give it.
It’s a roller coaster ride that sometimes stops whilst hanging upside down. It’s full of monsters, lovers, friends, family, and everything you can find in films and books. It’s made up of experiences we never ask for but eventually come to appreciate.
But most of all it’s made up of experiences we have. Every moment we take a breath while we’re awake is a memory in the making—even if you’re just sitting on a bed with her laptop on your lap at 10pm wearing your Disney Princess pjs.
Even when you’re sitting on your shower floor with the hot water cascading over you, your knees brought to your chest, and your silent tears flowing as your will yourself to keep going.
It’s scary, this life thing. So why not try to do it together?
I’ve been through things some people couldn’t even fathom, and I’m sure you all have been through things I could never fathom. We live in a time when history is being erased and human error is at an all time high—a time when sticking together is so important we find ourselves drifting further and further apart.
It’s a terrifying time my friends and it’s not going to get any easier at this point. We tell ourselves it is, but lets be honest here—would life be fun if it were easy? Would it be worth living if there were surprises around every corner?
A good friend once told me we only go through the things we can survive. We’re resilient creatures and our resilience only grows as time goes on. Don’t ever forget that, please. I almost did and I regret it. I regret allowing myself to get to that point, and the last thing I want is for someone to get to that point as well.
My mental health isn’t the greatest—it hasn’t been for a long time. It’s something I’ve been coming to terms with. Admittedly, that’s not easy to do, but I’ve been working on it.
Basically I’m a huge work in progress, as you can see, but I swear I’m trying.
That’s why I’m here to make myself accessible to anyone and everyone who needs it.
Yes, this blog is mostly for me, but I also grew up looking for people who would actually open their minds and hearts up to me without looking to change me—just be a lending hand and hearing ear. I never found that—instead I found people who tore me down because they couldn’t find it in themselves to actually accept the fact that I’m not who they want me to be.
I’m not therapist, nor am I psychologist. I’m a friend, and I’m here to be one to you. To anyone. To everyone.
You’re welcome to follow me on Twitter and Instagram (I’ll be making on specifically for this account soon, don’t you worry my friends), or fill in your information to the right on the home page and get email updates for when I post.
You’re also welcome to message or email me without hesitation. I’m here for you.
We can journey on this life adventure together.
We can grow and build together.
Best of all, we can learn together.
Life is lonely as it is—growing up shouldn’t be as bad, you know?
This series will be posted every Wednesday, while a short story/fanfic series will be posted every Sunday (Story time Sunday).
So lets go; lets go on an adventure and learn more about each other.